As parents, we must understand that one of the most fundamental concepts for a child, is that they are a test. A test from which we are the takers and as such, we are held accountable for their actions.
Therefore, by neglecting our children we are failing in this test. It's a golden opportunity that is right before our eyes so for this reason we should not fail to take advantage of it.
Parenting, it's about patience and selflessness at times. It requires a lot of effort and hard work; however it is one of the most rewarding tests of all. So as parents, we should be ready and well equipped to succeed in this magnificent journey.
Good manners are one of the most important treasures a parent can give to their child.
“If one has good manners, one may attain the same level of merit as those who spend their nights in prayer.”
(Prophet Muhammad - Al-Bukhari).
We should strive to instill good manners in our children from very young age, because if instilled from early; the next generation will completely change for the better. Inshaa Allah (God Willing)
I will share with you 10 Effective Ways To Instill Good Manners In Children in the hope that it will work for you.
1 - Be 'the person' you want them to be
Children imitate their parents in their words and actions, so if your child is exposed to; anger, arguments, haste, desires, foolishness and lies, they will grow up with those characteristics and it will be difficult for them to change after a certain age. Hence, the environment that you create for your children is what he or she will absorb.
Be a role model, be the person you want them to be and do not be a hypocrite who says one thing but does the opposite. For everything you do, your child is looking up to you.
2 - Love for their Creator
Remind your children everyday that Allah loves them more than you love them. And remind them of their blessings. Pray together at least one Salaah per day if they are still very young, this will then become part of their daily routine. Have time for the Quran everyday, this can be for only 10 mins a day! Teach them one thing from the Quran and Sunnah that Allah loves each day and get them to practice it. Remind them often of those whom Allah loves i.e. Allah loves those who speak the truth, Allah loves those who respect their elders and so on.
3 - Good Deeds
Teach them about the importance of doing good deeds in a fun and loving way, you could make them a good deed box and get them to choose how many good deeds they want to do for the day. Encouraging your children to do good deeds whether that good deed is visiting a sick person or just feeding a needy person will help them to be more considerate and caring as they grow up.
Show them the benefit of good deeds and their affect on the society. Always be sure to praise them for their good deeds and do not criticize their efforts!
4 - Treat them kindly
Be kind to your children as much as you can and they in return will show kindness to you and others. The way you talk to your children teaches them how to talk to you and others. If you're always yelling at them you will surely find them yelling at their siblings. If children are brought up in an environment where politeness is valued they will grow up being polite and well mannered. Inshaa Allah (God Willing).
Be kind to them, Love them, Respect them, Protect them and Be FIRM but not too hard. Children are not just your property but a trust from Allah so mocking and degrading your child will do nothing but bring about ugly side in them.
5 - Don't get ANGRY; they're not perfect
One of the biggest mistakes parents make when disciplining their children is getting angry when correcting them. Expressing your anger when disciplining your child is problematic! It provides the opportunity to be excessive when punishing; This can lead to abusing your child. Often times, when a parent is angry, she lets the anger out onto her child. She does this by using hurtful words or by correcting with excessive. This will direct your child’s attention away from his mistake and cause him to focus on your anger instead. The reality is that children will do silly things and make mistakes at times even though you taught them the truth already; simply because they are human-beings who are still learning. None of us are perfect so we should avoid holding our children to a higher standard of perfection than we can attain ourselves. Be patient with them, continue teaching them and make dua (suplicate to Allah ) for them.
When we accept the fact that our children will make mistakes and disappoint us at times, only then we will accept them as fallible humans and not view them as bad children.
6 - Balanced nutrient diet
Children need enough sleep and nutritious foods for healthy stability. This one is very important; because you will find that many children suffer from mood swings, tantrums, lack of concentration, and frequent outbursts due to unbalanced diet. If you find this in your child I would sincerely advise you to check their diet. Providing them balanced nutrition diet is crucial during childhood to support normal growth and cognitive development. When children are fed unhealthy foods, certain behavioral problems can begin to arise. Poor diets that are high in sugar, fast food, artificial food additives which have major links to these behavioral issues. So educate yourself and family about good food and avoid bringing the junk into your house as much as you can! Then In Shaa Allah (God Willing) you will find them practice good manners lot easier.
7 - Give them responsibilities
When children learn to take responsibility for their actions and their commitments, they feel important members of the family. Most children love to see themselves as responsible individuals who are able to respond to what needs to be done. It builds their self esteem, encourages independence and it keeps them very occupied. These responsibilities can be both around the house and in their lives in general. From this they will learn, time management, and self-discipline, which is vital for achieving excellent manners.
Give them chores that are suitable for their age. Remember to praise them and remind them that they are undertaking an important role and you will find them eager to help you out again.
8 - Their Surroundings
Sadly, children can be easily influenced by their surroundings. With television, forms of media mostly promoting un-Islamic values and being surrounded by family and friends that do the opposite of what you're nurturing upon them can all be easily influencing your child. After all you become the people you spend time with. When a child is raised in a good Islamic home, then it would be natural for her to trait good manners from a young age. In shaa Allah (God Willing). So, it is upon us parents to choose wisely what we expose our children to and keep their surroundings far from immorality and misguidance.
“A man is upon the religion of his best friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.”
(Prophet Muhammad in Sahih Sunan Abu Dawud)
9 - A Strong Relationship
Have quality time with your child everyday! Whether this is to sit down together to read poems with some tea and snacks or to just go for a walk together. Build a relationship with your child and reach out to their hearts as well as their minds. After that it will not take much effort to inspire your child's brain in that which is good and safe. Ishaa Allah. After all they have to really love you in order to listen to you and to imitate you.
10 - A Stable Routine
Having a daily routine teaches children how to constructively control themselves and their environment. It helps them to be more independent and secure. It will eliminate power struggles because you will not be bossing the child around all the time which means you won't be the 'bad guy' nagging them around to complete simple daily tasks like to brush their teeth, do their bed or perform their Salah.
Routine also helps kids look forward to things they enjoy like taking them out on trips on certain days or visiting their friends and so on. Of course there are times when rules are made to be broken, like staying up late on special nights, or leaving school work out to play with friends; but even then the child will know the limits. One thing I've learn since having kids is that kids love being in charge of themselves.
I hope these 10 ways come in handy and work for you and your family.
Remember to always be patient and seek Allah's aid because these two are your main tools when dealing with children specially.
Anything good I've shared is from Allah and all praise is due to Him Alone, and any errors made, are from myself.
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